"Happiness is an inside job." William Arthur Ward

I figure that no one really looks at this blog much, so I feel like I can use it like a scrapbook for our lives (since I have been TERRIBLE about actually keeping any sort of real scrapbooks for us).  I figure someday this blog will be floating around in cyper space and Kirk can read all the things that happened and see all the pictures of us through the years.  I am so thankful for pictures of me from the last year.  The picture above is one year ago.  I was about 40 pounds heavier, and although I thought I was happy, I wasn't.  I didn't know how happy I could be, how great life really is, and how much better everything would be from trying harder to live a healthy life.  

The picture below is from Mother's Day.  I have made SO MANY changes.  Healthy food and exercise have helped me to lose some weight and gain some strength.  I have held myself accountable.  If I gained weight, I knew exactly why.  If I lost weight, I knew exactly why.   I knew if I wanted to make the changes I needed to make to be a better mother, wife, and person, I had to hold myself accountable.  I joined Weight Watchers in May of last year to "maybe lose 10 pounds," and once it started coming off, I was hooked.  It feels SO GOOD to be 40 pounds lighter.  I have energy.  I am strong.  My skin is clear.  I don't get as hot and sweat like I used to.  My clothes are smaller. My FEET are even smaller (who knew you could have fat feet?).  Life is better, and happiness really is an "inside job."

I credit one of the biggest motivators for the last 6 months of my life to YOGA.  I seriously LOVE yoga.  I never thought in a million years that I would say I loved any type of exercise.  Really.  I have never been a person who even kind of enjoyed exercise.  Yoga has changed my body.  I thought after my pregnancy and c-section with Kirk I would never have a body that I wasn't disgusted by.  My body will hold me up in all those crazy poses, and I can lift myself up on one hand or even my toes....it is amazing.  I feel powerful, energized, and grounded...all at the same time.  Yoga has taught me so much about myself.  I can take time for myself.  I can "breathe into the pain" and I am amazed at what my body can do.  My knee and my hip don't hurt.  My back and shoulders don't either.  My mind feels clear when I leave a class.  I can't imagine my life without it now.  I know that it's just as important for me to take time for yoga as it is for me to do everything and be everything else. Tonight I went to a fund raiser hosted by Brown Dog Yoga (my yoga studio).  At the end of the event, we were reminded of the stone that we were given when we checked in, and a quote from Mother Teresa, "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across waters to create many ripples."  I held onto my stone and thought about that for a while tonight.  I have been casting stones for a while now, and I hope my ripples effect something greater than me.  If I can inspire others, that is amazing.  I know I need to use this life for good, and to make the most of what I have, including my body and mind.  

We end each class with the word "Namaste." 

The divine in me honors the divine in you.

I'm working on finding all the "divine" that I have, and the journey has been completely life changing.

I can't wait to see what the future holds....

let them be little.....

Sunday morning we had an opportunity to just do nothing.  Jeremy went to golf early, and we just hung out in our pajamas, made biscuits, and sat at the table.  Kirk was acting crazy, and I snapped a picture.  I decided I wanted to remember that moment, just like that.  Him in his pajamas, eating a biscuit and fruit, me with my coffee and a smile on my face.  He's growing up too fast.  I want him to always love spending time with his Mama.  I will always love spending time with him.

I am writing this post on the eve of Kirk's kindergarten registration day (tomorrow).  I have shed a few tears gathering up our paperwork for tomorrow.  How is it possible that this day is already here?  I don't feel any older, how did he get so OLD?  I feel like I was just holding a little baby in my arms....and now he barely fits in my lap.  I am not ready for him to grow up.  I'm just not.  He makes me laugh harder, smile bigger, and annoys me more than I ever thought anyone would.  He has my heart, every minute of every day.  I will try to hold back my tears tomorrow as I watch him walk down that hallway.  I will try to share his excitement.  I will TRY to look at those kindergarten teachers and begin to trust them with my most precious possession. I know I'm going to hold him a little tighter tomorrow and for the days to come.

warm hugs and warm cookies

 

 

 

 

 

I never imagined writing on anything anywhere that my Gramma Sullivan was gone.  She passed away yesterday, and it still seems like such a bad dream. This picture was taken the last time we saw her, in June before we left for our Disney cruise.  She was my favorite.  I felt special to her.  Every good childhood memory I have is with her.  I can't believe I'll never taste her food again or get a card from her in the mail.  I'll never hear her say, "hey sweetie!" when she answers the phone.  I'll never hear her tell me she loves me again.  I know she meant it.  So many of the things I do remind me of her.  I have no idea how to not miss her every minute of every day.  She lived so far away for most of my life, but she has always been such a big part of my heart.  I have so many good memories.  I know she knew I loved her so much. She was the holiest woman I knew and I know she is in heaven and free from pain or suffering.  Her rosary beads were smooth because she held them and rubbed them between her fingers so much.  She knew the saint to pray to for everything, and made sure to pray for everyone she loved every day.  She loved Kirk so much, and she enjoyed seeing him grow.  I sent her pictures of him every few months, and she always loved hearing about what he was doing and saying.  She always said he reminded her of me as a child, full of life and always entertaining.  In my family I was one of many, but with her I always knew I was number one.  This is the first real death I've dealt with that has affected me this way.  My heart physically hurts.  I dread going into her house in a few days without her there.  I dread seeing her in a casket.  I can't even think about leaving after it is all over and never feeling her or seeing her again.  Life is hard.  She taught me what it means to serve God.  She taught me what it looks and feels like to serve your family. She had the biggest heart and the sweetest smile.  She taught me how to be a Gramma, and I just hope I can have the warmest hugs and freshly made chocolate chip cookes someday......just like she did.  I will miss her love so much. 

 

 

Spring has sprung (hopefully!)

I haven't posted in forever!  One would think with 32 snow days the past 2 months I would have had plenty of time to post on my blog.....however, it seemed day after day life got in the way.  Kirk and I have made it through what has hopefully been the worst winter we will see for a while.  We played in the snow more times that I cared for, and we exhausted the tri state for day time entertainment (which is dismal, at best).  We also exhausted my bank account because all of the day time entertainment around here costs money!!  I tried each day to be grateful for this time with my big boy who will start kindergarten in less than 6 months.....too hard to believe!  We enjoyed some lazy days, too, and wore our pajamas way more than we should.  We're back to school/work tomorrow, and we're praying we can finish this school year out with no interruptions!

Kirk and I enjoyed some time outside yesterday and some ice cream afterwards.  It is amazing to me how much more I enjoy playing with Kirk and how much energy I have.  Eating healthy foods has changed so much for me, and my ability to run and play with my best boy is one of the biggest perks by far!

 

It's no secret that I love TOMS.  I have too many pairs to talk about, but I added 3 more this week.  The Zulily sale is something I look forward to and I was so excited to pick up these 3 pair for an amazing price!!  I especially love the green cordones pictured below, and I can't wait to wear them to Marshall games!

I'm looking forward to geting back to school this week and feeling "normal" again.  I have enjoyed my time off, though, and I have really gotten addicted to yoga classes and Club Cardio.  It feels great to be able to excercise without being out of breath or in pain!  I am so thankful that I can take time for myself and that Jeremy stays with Kirk when I go to classes.  He has been so supportive of all the changes I've made, and his biggest support is cooking almost all of our (healthy) meals.  I'm looking forward to our trip to Pigeon Forge in a few weeks and I am definitley welcoming warmer weather!  

Goodbye, 2013!

 

2013 was a great year.  My baby boy turned 4, which is so hard to believe.  We are half way through our school year together, which is going surprisingly well.  He has learned to read a little, write a lot, and is by far the smartest kiddo in my class.  I am proud to be his Mama and his teacher.  Jeremy and I celebrated 10 years of marriage, we went on an amazing Disney cruise, and I ended the year 30 lbs. lighter than I started it.  It was a great year.

 

Kirk had a great Christmas!  He was so excited about everything this year, and nothing makes me smile more than how much he believes in magic.

 

Merry Christmas from the Walkers!  We got an impressive number of Christmas cards this year.  I'm glad because I fear that social media somehow is taking the place of "snail mail" and proper invitations to events and Christmas cards.  I love getting personal mail, and Kirk does too. 

 

Do you feel the holiday cheer that Special Agent Walker is spreading with his spy goggles?  He loves them, and this picture makes me crack up!  He is so much fun, and I look forward to what 2014 will bring to our family.

 

 

      Our resolutions for 2014??  I will keep working on my health and my weight.  I have come to realize that your weight literally affects EVERYTHING in your life.  I feel better, have more energy, and more confidence than I have in a long time.  My health is better, and hopefully continued weight loss will help manage my blood pressure issues.  My thyroid and cholesterol numbers are the best they have ever been. If you are reading this and considering a lifestyle change for better health- Weight Watchers WORKS.  It really does.  I recommend it for anyone.  I am committed to being the best I can be for my husband and my son.

      Kirk and I will keep working on his academic skills, and becoming more independent.  It will be hard for us to be apart next school year after we have spent so much time together. I have heart palpitations when I think about sending my baby boy to kindergarten.  Whew.  It will be rough.  I just have to make sure he is as competent as he can be and pray for God to send us the best teacher for him.  I know Jeremy will keep working to help his business grow and prosper.  He will  help Kirk develop his athletic skills (haha!) and hopefully he can begin to teach Kirk to golf (since I got Jeremy a 3 year golf membership for Christmas!).  We are looking forward to a week long Disney trip in October 2014.  Kirk and I are sure to have a fun summer filled with swimming and sunshine (and swim lessons for Kirk).  I will cherish the rest of the school year with him and I will continue to be thankful for all that we have.  Welcome, 2014! 

 

What goes around comes back around.....

       I waited for 7 months to see Justin Timberlake in concert.  I was SO EXCITED.  I had already seen him in concert twice before, but it had been 6 years since he had a concert tour.  I went with my sisters and my friend Angel.  We all love Justin dearly, and we were super excited to be in the same room with him for the 4 hour concert.  I was having an amazing time until I realized at intermission that my (month old) new iphone 5S was gone.  GONE.  Completely gone.  I ran back in the bathroom after I made the discovery looking for it everywhere.  Nothing.  I went to lost and found.  Nothing.  About 10 minutes after intermission, I gave up and called Jeremy and declared it gone. I knew it was stolen, not lost.  Someone had stolen it from me, either out of my purse, or off the floor when I dropped it (trying to put it in my purse....but I cannot imagine I didn't hear it fall....).  

       

        Jeremy was fine, and handled it without getting mad or yelling (although I know he wanted to).  He told me to get back to the concert and not worry about it.  But I did.  I still had a great time, but it definitely dampened my mood.  There's just something about having things STOLEN from you (if you haven't ever experienced it, thank God.  Now.).  It gives you this sick pit in the bottom of your stomach.  It makes you mad and sad at the same time.  It makes you feel violated and stupid.  It's not like I haven't had things stolen from me before, much more expensive things, but I had forgotten how disgusting it makes you feel.          

       Although I was falling in love with Justin (over and over again) at the beginning of every song, I felt that sick pit reminding me of the terrible, dishonest, disgusting world that my son is growing up in.  It grounded me.  And after 4 days without a phone, I was so happy to get that replacement phone in my hand.  I will definitely hold on to this one tighter, and I thought about the dirty thief with my phone when JT sang "What goes around comes back around..."  because, I know it does.

This is a preview of our Christmas pictures with Betsy Lynn...how cute is Kirk? 

Cutest HERD fan ever

Happy Thanksgiving! Erin and I were proud of our Thanksgiving dinner that we made ourselves.  It was nice to have such a relaxing Thanksgiving.  We had a few successes and a few flops, but everything turned out just fine.  

I talked Jill into doing the Turkey Trot with me, and although it was 19 degrees, we shaved 7 minutes off our time!  I'm so glad to have a great friend to "power walk" with!

I'm thankful for these friends that I've had for 17 years....WOW.  Is that possible?  17 years?!?  We are getting old....but we still look good!  HA!  We all came out to Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning!

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!  Hopefully, we can get our Christmas decorations out this weekend.  We are excited about the HERD win, and we are hoping for a home championship game next weekend!

being thankful...

It has been a ridiculous long time since I posted!  I have been so busy lately and I have missed the time I usually take to slow down and appreciate my life in writing.  The picture above is the inside of my classroom door.  The students told me something that "lifts them up" or makes them happy....Kirk said "Making cards to make my Gramma feel better."  He is talking about my Gramma Sullivan who is currently healing up from a fall and awaiting another bypass surgery.  My heart stops when I think about something happening to her.  She is my only grandparent and my absolute favorite family member.  I have always felt so special to her, and I hope Kirk's cards really did help "lift her up."  Another kiddo said that "my friend Kirk" made him smile.  That makes me smile, too.

How funny is this little boy?  I love that he is so carefree and happy. 

 I see my kiddos at school deal with stress and family problems, and it makes my heart and mind hurt.  A few weeks ago, one of my little kiddos told me that his tv didn't work because he "didn't have no electric."  I did a little investigating, and questioned him a little, and true enough, he has no electricity.  He said they wear their coats when it's cold inside and they use flashlights when it gets dark.  I had to turn my face away from him to keep from crying.  I quickly called our Family Resource Center and they made a home visit and offered some help.  His mother quickly called me the next day to ask if I "turned them in."  I explained that I did, only out of concern, and that I wanted the best for their son and their family.  It all ended up ok, and hopefully I opened a door with this family that will help me help them.  I would gladly put that little guy in my car and bring him home.  He is a such a sweet boy.  It shreds me to think that he is in a cold, dark place right now.  I have taught long enough to know I can't solve the world's problems, and that lots of these families suck the life out of me....but there is something about this little guy.  He has a place in my heart.  Maybe he has had this effect on me because he plays with my little boy everyday.  I pray every night that I can help make a difference.

Kirk picked the biggest bunch of "flowers" for me.  He drives me crazy, and he melts my heart.  The older he gets, the harder I want to hold on to him.  This time next year he will be making his way in kindergarten, probably reading on his own and doing homework.  He tells me he is never going to leave my house.  I tell him that he will want to leave when he goes to college, although a small part of me knows I will want him to stay with me forever.  I took the "flowers" home and put then in a vase with water.  And I might have shed a small tear.  Or two. 

 I'm thankful for my son, my husband, our family, my students, and my life. I hope to remember that every day.  I know I always want things I don't have, and problems that I think I have to be solved, but I need to slow down and appreciate what I have.  I think I will just stop and smell my "flowers."  Haha.