I never imagined writing on anything anywhere that my Gramma Sullivan was gone. She passed away yesterday, and it still seems like such a bad dream. This picture was taken the last time we saw her, in June before we left for our Disney cruise. She was my favorite. I felt special to her. Every good childhood memory I have is with her. I can't believe I'll never taste her food again or get a card from her in the mail. I'll never hear her say, "hey sweetie!" when she answers the phone. I'll never hear her tell me she loves me again. I know she meant it. So many of the things I do remind me of her. I have no idea how to not miss her every minute of every day. She lived so far away for most of my life, but she has always been such a big part of my heart. I have so many good memories. I know she knew I loved her so much. She was the holiest woman I knew and I know she is in heaven and free from pain or suffering. Her rosary beads were smooth because she held them and rubbed them between her fingers so much. She knew the saint to pray to for everything, and made sure to pray for everyone she loved every day. She loved Kirk so much, and she enjoyed seeing him grow. I sent her pictures of him every few months, and she always loved hearing about what he was doing and saying. She always said he reminded her of me as a child, full of life and always entertaining. In my family I was one of many, but with her I always knew I was number one. This is the first real death I've dealt with that has affected me this way. My heart physically hurts. I dread going into her house in a few days without her there. I dread seeing her in a casket. I can't even think about leaving after it is all over and never feeling her or seeing her again. Life is hard. She taught me what it means to serve God. She taught me what it looks and feels like to serve your family. She had the biggest heart and the sweetest smile. She taught me how to be a Gramma, and I just hope I can have the warmest hugs and freshly made chocolate chip cookes someday......just like she did. I will miss her love so much.
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