Well, it has been forever since I posted anything....like almost a year.  I think since my surgery is coming up I will have a lot more time to slow down and post on this blog so I can save more memories and photos.  I always feel guilty about not keeping any organized scrapbooks for Kirk, and I guess I rely on various media sources to save pictures and moments so that Kirk can reflect on his childhood and realize how much his Mama loves him and wants to savor every moment.  A lot has changed.  Kirk lost his first tooth.  I feel like I'm struggling to keep my health and fitness levels up despite my knee injury and impending surgery.  I know this is all party of my journey and I will get where I want to go if I keep looking forward.  My recovery will give me time to read, connect, and wrap my head around the life changes that I've made in the last 2 years and how incredibly THANKFUL I am for everything in my life.  So....here's to more posts, enjoying the next month of being able to exercise, and keeping a positive outlook for the future.  

February fun

Kirk was very adamant that the picture for his Valentine cards had to be a SERIOUS Jedi face.  He did not accept that these cards would be going to his classmates, and they they would not understand why he was so serious looking....but this is what they got!  Haha!  I put in a glow stick where the light saber is edited out.  Kirk said his classmates liked his picture and kept saying his name.....he is too funny!

Our tickets came for our NKOTB concert in Louisville.  My friend Melissa and I are ready to relive our middle school years! I'm so excited!

I spent Valentine's day with my 2 Valentines, and this little one means the world to me.  I love that we can laugh and have so much fun together.

This foot of snow that we have is basically useless, as Kirk says, but he is able to scoop it up and throw it in the air, which he did about 2,000 times every time we went out in it.  Kirk has absolutely no temperature issues and would stay out there forever, even though he fell about 25 times.  He is the funniest kid I know.  I'm glad to get to spend these extra days with him.  Between tv shows, his constant Lego creations, and video games, he doesn't want to spend as much time with me as he used to.  I miss the little baby who needed me for everything.  He just wants to stay in his pjs and relax on snow days now.  I'm thankful to have him to snuggle up with...even if he only lets me for a little while.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

     I think 2014 is one of the best years that I've had in a long time. Our family was fairly healthy, we had a great vacation, and Kirk's kindergarten year has gone well.  As Kirk gets older and more independent, I feel like I am finding myself more and realizing what I need to do in order to be the best mother and wife I can be.  

     The picture above was taken on Christmas day.  Kirk bought me some beautiful jewelry from Santa's workshop at school. He was so proud to give us gifts.  I get so frustrated with him sometimes because I feel like although I have tried to preach empathy and compassion to others, he is still self centered and selfish.  He bought 3 gifts for me and 2 for Jeremy, and brought home $5.00 (I gave him $10.00).  He never mentioned buying anything for himself, and he gave me back the money.  I know he is still too young to understand how to "serve the greater good," but I pray I can raise him to be someone who understands that giving is more rewarding than receiving. He was excited for us to open our gifts.  I love them and will treasure them always!

     We were ready for Santa on Christmas Eve.  Kirk was so excited about Christmas this year.  I love his excitement, and it was nice to have a Christmas that I felt like we didn't break the bank to buy gifts for each other.  Jeremy put new tires on my car (which was an EXPENSIVE gift) and he paid to have my wedding rings sized down (which was ALSO EXPENSIVE).  I got some Pandora charms, and I got him tickets to see Bob Seger in concert (he is an old soul!).  Kirk got a few gifts and he was happy.  I realize more and more each year that it really isn't all about the gifts and the shopping.  It's about really thinking about the people that you love and honoring them with something that they really want.  We were all happy through the holidays.  Jeremy and I LOVE watching Kirk believe in magic and enjoy his things, but most importantly, we love each other.  That's the most important thing by far.

I'm looking forward to ringing in the new year with my family.  Jeremy and I have NEVER been with Kirk on New Year's Eve (we usually go out), so it will be different spending that time with Kirk.  Kirk swears he can stay up until midnight.....we'll see!  I'm excited to see what 2015 brings.  I'm expecting another GREAT year!

so incredibly thankful....

I haven't posted in FOREVER, but I thought I'd finally write something as I reflect on our last year and all the things I am so incredibly thankful for.  Our trip to Disney in October was amazing.  We had waited and planned for it for almost a year.  I will forever cherish those memories with my boys.  So many times I stopped myself and thought that I would never again experience all those "firsts" with Kirk, and I would never again see those smiles and excited eyes.  I enjoyed ALL the moments...and many others from last year.

We all LOVED Test Track.  It was way different than the last time Jeremy and I rode it many years ago.  I LOVED all the ride pictures of us together!

Somehow, Kirk let us talk him into riding Space Mountain.  It is by far my favorite ride, and I remember riding it with my Aunt Terry for the first time when I was 9 years old.  I remember getting off of it and getting right back in line because we loved it so much!  I remember eating my very first Mickey ice cream bar while we were waiting in the LONG line that was way outside of the building. I hope Kirk remembers walking right on the ride (waiting less than 10 minutes) and the cast member who gave him a "I conquered Space Mountain" button when he got off!   

Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party was AMAZING!  I absolutely loved it.  I cannot imagine any other holiday or special event being as good as this one was....and I love that my legs look kind of muscular in this picture...haha!

I love this picture of my boys!

I am most thankful for my improving health over the past year.  I have lost a lot of weight, and I have grown to really love exercise.  I spent yesterday morning running my second 5K.  That is an amazing thing to think about and type.  I love being strong and feeling fit.  I am in the best shape I have EVER been in and feel better than ever.  I have spent my life dreading and hating exercise, but after finding yoga and seeing the changes in my body, I have grown to love it.  My body craves it.  My parts don't jiggle as much and I can see and feel muscles in my body.  I still have some weight to go, but I am starting to enjoy the journey and realizing what all this means for me and my life.  Yoga has taught me to appreciate everything as it is, especially my body.  I think I have learned to let some things go...the things that don't really matter....and to pay attention to what I have.  It is a constant journey...to accept what just "is."  I can't change anyone except myself.  I am excited to see where I am a year from now....and that is an awesome thing to say.

Walker boys camping adventure

While I was gone to Nashville, Jeremy meticulously planned a camping trip.  Kirk has been asking to go "tent camping" for months, and Jeremy was just as excited as he was (although he'd never admit it).  They went to Carter Caves, and Kirk proclaimed that they had an "AWESOME time!"

Kirk was so happy in the tent, although he told me that the next time they go camping, they want a camper!  Haha!

Kirk's favorite part was mining for gem stones.  He has an entire collection of gems that he "surprised" me with when I got home.  Jeremy said he was so excited to do it (twice) and talked about it forever.

I love this picture of Kirk standing by a natural bridge that they found on their hiking trail.  Jeremy said Kirk hiked along for over 3 miles....and talked the WHOLE WAY. Ha!

This is by far my favorite picture Jeremy took.  Jeremy said Kirk thought it was cool that he let him walk ahead "all by himself."  I look at this picture and I see my grown up boy who still looks so small in the world.  He will be five years old soon....and go to kindergarten....and he can do so many things for and by himself.  He will always be my tiny baby boy, and this picture makes me think about how small he is, but how much he has and will affect this big world.  He has completely changed the world for me.  He is still a little boy, but I know he will do BIG things.  I'm so glad my boys had a good time on their camping trip and I'm so proud of them both for making it work and having a good time.  There are a lot of dads out there who wouldn't be able to pull that off, and this trip was just another reason why Jeremy Walker is the best dad I know.

Another yoga quote of the day....really meaningful and a reminder to be thankful for the things I have in this life.  I will continue one day at a time, and try to remember to make time for gratitude each day.

"Pretty girls smile the same way all over the world"~Nick Miller

My friends Angel, Amy, and I took our long awaited trip to Nashville last weekend.  Amy lives outside of Nashville, so we visited her home and then stayed in the city 2 nights.  It was amazing to be by ourselves!  We shopped in cute boutiques, ate in restaurants (too much food!) and just walked around with no particular place to go.  We talked and laughed and reminisced about our 18 years of friendship.   

Printer's Alley was so cute!  We had to pose for a picture.

Coyote Ugly was by far the best "people watching" that I have ever done.  We laughed and joked all evening. Nashville is made up of ALL KINDS of people.  Amy said that the sure sign of a tourist is cowboy boots and/or a hat.  Some folks were wearing both.  Nashville residents don't walk around in cowboy boots and hats.  They just don't.  

So the cowboys that took our picture asked to be IN a picture.  Whatever.  The hats and bow ties are too much, haha!

We THOUGHT this was a well lit area on the street (not so much).  We had such a good time and it was nice to check out of my mommy/wife life for a few days.  I did miss my boys, though, and they had a blast on their camping trip (pictures to come in my next post).

I have a "yoga quote of the day" app on my phone, and I got this quote while I was away in Nashville.  We had declared our trip "no social media weekend" and had agreed to not post pictures on any social media so we wouldn't hurt any of our other friend's feelings about not being invited/able to come, etc.  We also talked about how we are so glad we went to college BEFORE social media posted pictures of our every move.  We also talked about how it makes us feel sometimes....less than others, bad mothers/wives, down about our lives and comparing ourselves to others.  This quote put life into perspective for me.  Accept what is.  Be present in your life right now and know that it is exactly what it should be.  I had so much fun on the trip BECAUSE I am almost 40lbs lighter.  I am healthier.  We walked 2-3 miles each day.  I couldn't have done that a year ago.  My clothes are smaller (and cuter).  I get compliments from strangers.  I have been on a journey with my weight and improving what is INSIDE me for over a year now.  The journey is exactly as it should be.  Embrace imperfection.  Have compassion.  My yoga practice teaches me these things, and I must work harder to accept it.  I need to remember "namaste" means there is divine in me, too.

"Happiness is an inside job." William Arthur Ward

I figure that no one really looks at this blog much, so I feel like I can use it like a scrapbook for our lives (since I have been TERRIBLE about actually keeping any sort of real scrapbooks for us).  I figure someday this blog will be floating around in cyper space and Kirk can read all the things that happened and see all the pictures of us through the years.  I am so thankful for pictures of me from the last year.  The picture above is one year ago.  I was about 40 pounds heavier, and although I thought I was happy, I wasn't.  I didn't know how happy I could be, how great life really is, and how much better everything would be from trying harder to live a healthy life.  

The picture below is from Mother's Day.  I have made SO MANY changes.  Healthy food and exercise have helped me to lose some weight and gain some strength.  I have held myself accountable.  If I gained weight, I knew exactly why.  If I lost weight, I knew exactly why.   I knew if I wanted to make the changes I needed to make to be a better mother, wife, and person, I had to hold myself accountable.  I joined Weight Watchers in May of last year to "maybe lose 10 pounds," and once it started coming off, I was hooked.  It feels SO GOOD to be 40 pounds lighter.  I have energy.  I am strong.  My skin is clear.  I don't get as hot and sweat like I used to.  My clothes are smaller. My FEET are even smaller (who knew you could have fat feet?).  Life is better, and happiness really is an "inside job."

I credit one of the biggest motivators for the last 6 months of my life to YOGA.  I seriously LOVE yoga.  I never thought in a million years that I would say I loved any type of exercise.  Really.  I have never been a person who even kind of enjoyed exercise.  Yoga has changed my body.  I thought after my pregnancy and c-section with Kirk I would never have a body that I wasn't disgusted by.  My body will hold me up in all those crazy poses, and I can lift myself up on one hand or even my toes....it is amazing.  I feel powerful, energized, and grounded...all at the same time.  Yoga has taught me so much about myself.  I can take time for myself.  I can "breathe into the pain" and I am amazed at what my body can do.  My knee and my hip don't hurt.  My back and shoulders don't either.  My mind feels clear when I leave a class.  I can't imagine my life without it now.  I know that it's just as important for me to take time for yoga as it is for me to do everything and be everything else. Tonight I went to a fund raiser hosted by Brown Dog Yoga (my yoga studio).  At the end of the event, we were reminded of the stone that we were given when we checked in, and a quote from Mother Teresa, "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across waters to create many ripples."  I held onto my stone and thought about that for a while tonight.  I have been casting stones for a while now, and I hope my ripples effect something greater than me.  If I can inspire others, that is amazing.  I know I need to use this life for good, and to make the most of what I have, including my body and mind.  

We end each class with the word "Namaste." 

The divine in me honors the divine in you.

I'm working on finding all the "divine" that I have, and the journey has been completely life changing.

I can't wait to see what the future holds....