Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

     I think 2014 is one of the best years that I've had in a long time. Our family was fairly healthy, we had a great vacation, and Kirk's kindergarten year has gone well.  As Kirk gets older and more independent, I feel like I am finding myself more and realizing what I need to do in order to be the best mother and wife I can be.  

     The picture above was taken on Christmas day.  Kirk bought me some beautiful jewelry from Santa's workshop at school. He was so proud to give us gifts.  I get so frustrated with him sometimes because I feel like although I have tried to preach empathy and compassion to others, he is still self centered and selfish.  He bought 3 gifts for me and 2 for Jeremy, and brought home $5.00 (I gave him $10.00).  He never mentioned buying anything for himself, and he gave me back the money.  I know he is still too young to understand how to "serve the greater good," but I pray I can raise him to be someone who understands that giving is more rewarding than receiving. He was excited for us to open our gifts.  I love them and will treasure them always!

     We were ready for Santa on Christmas Eve.  Kirk was so excited about Christmas this year.  I love his excitement, and it was nice to have a Christmas that I felt like we didn't break the bank to buy gifts for each other.  Jeremy put new tires on my car (which was an EXPENSIVE gift) and he paid to have my wedding rings sized down (which was ALSO EXPENSIVE).  I got some Pandora charms, and I got him tickets to see Bob Seger in concert (he is an old soul!).  Kirk got a few gifts and he was happy.  I realize more and more each year that it really isn't all about the gifts and the shopping.  It's about really thinking about the people that you love and honoring them with something that they really want.  We were all happy through the holidays.  Jeremy and I LOVE watching Kirk believe in magic and enjoy his things, but most importantly, we love each other.  That's the most important thing by far.

I'm looking forward to ringing in the new year with my family.  Jeremy and I have NEVER been with Kirk on New Year's Eve (we usually go out), so it will be different spending that time with Kirk.  Kirk swears he can stay up until midnight.....we'll see!  I'm excited to see what 2015 brings.  I'm expecting another GREAT year!

so incredibly thankful....

I haven't posted in FOREVER, but I thought I'd finally write something as I reflect on our last year and all the things I am so incredibly thankful for.  Our trip to Disney in October was amazing.  We had waited and planned for it for almost a year.  I will forever cherish those memories with my boys.  So many times I stopped myself and thought that I would never again experience all those "firsts" with Kirk, and I would never again see those smiles and excited eyes.  I enjoyed ALL the moments...and many others from last year.

We all LOVED Test Track.  It was way different than the last time Jeremy and I rode it many years ago.  I LOVED all the ride pictures of us together!

Somehow, Kirk let us talk him into riding Space Mountain.  It is by far my favorite ride, and I remember riding it with my Aunt Terry for the first time when I was 9 years old.  I remember getting off of it and getting right back in line because we loved it so much!  I remember eating my very first Mickey ice cream bar while we were waiting in the LONG line that was way outside of the building. I hope Kirk remembers walking right on the ride (waiting less than 10 minutes) and the cast member who gave him a "I conquered Space Mountain" button when he got off!   

Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party was AMAZING!  I absolutely loved it.  I cannot imagine any other holiday or special event being as good as this one was....and I love that my legs look kind of muscular in this picture...haha!

I love this picture of my boys!

I am most thankful for my improving health over the past year.  I have lost a lot of weight, and I have grown to really love exercise.  I spent yesterday morning running my second 5K.  That is an amazing thing to think about and type.  I love being strong and feeling fit.  I am in the best shape I have EVER been in and feel better than ever.  I have spent my life dreading and hating exercise, but after finding yoga and seeing the changes in my body, I have grown to love it.  My body craves it.  My parts don't jiggle as much and I can see and feel muscles in my body.  I still have some weight to go, but I am starting to enjoy the journey and realizing what all this means for me and my life.  Yoga has taught me to appreciate everything as it is, especially my body.  I think I have learned to let some things go...the things that don't really matter....and to pay attention to what I have.  It is a constant journey...to accept what just "is."  I can't change anyone except myself.  I am excited to see where I am a year from now....and that is an awesome thing to say.

Walker boys camping adventure

While I was gone to Nashville, Jeremy meticulously planned a camping trip.  Kirk has been asking to go "tent camping" for months, and Jeremy was just as excited as he was (although he'd never admit it).  They went to Carter Caves, and Kirk proclaimed that they had an "AWESOME time!"

Kirk was so happy in the tent, although he told me that the next time they go camping, they want a camper!  Haha!

Kirk's favorite part was mining for gem stones.  He has an entire collection of gems that he "surprised" me with when I got home.  Jeremy said he was so excited to do it (twice) and talked about it forever.

I love this picture of Kirk standing by a natural bridge that they found on their hiking trail.  Jeremy said Kirk hiked along for over 3 miles....and talked the WHOLE WAY. Ha!

This is by far my favorite picture Jeremy took.  Jeremy said Kirk thought it was cool that he let him walk ahead "all by himself."  I look at this picture and I see my grown up boy who still looks so small in the world.  He will be five years old soon....and go to kindergarten....and he can do so many things for and by himself.  He will always be my tiny baby boy, and this picture makes me think about how small he is, but how much he has and will affect this big world.  He has completely changed the world for me.  He is still a little boy, but I know he will do BIG things.  I'm so glad my boys had a good time on their camping trip and I'm so proud of them both for making it work and having a good time.  There are a lot of dads out there who wouldn't be able to pull that off, and this trip was just another reason why Jeremy Walker is the best dad I know.

Another yoga quote of the day....really meaningful and a reminder to be thankful for the things I have in this life.  I will continue one day at a time, and try to remember to make time for gratitude each day.

"Pretty girls smile the same way all over the world"~Nick Miller

My friends Angel, Amy, and I took our long awaited trip to Nashville last weekend.  Amy lives outside of Nashville, so we visited her home and then stayed in the city 2 nights.  It was amazing to be by ourselves!  We shopped in cute boutiques, ate in restaurants (too much food!) and just walked around with no particular place to go.  We talked and laughed and reminisced about our 18 years of friendship.   

Printer's Alley was so cute!  We had to pose for a picture.

Coyote Ugly was by far the best "people watching" that I have ever done.  We laughed and joked all evening. Nashville is made up of ALL KINDS of people.  Amy said that the sure sign of a tourist is cowboy boots and/or a hat.  Some folks were wearing both.  Nashville residents don't walk around in cowboy boots and hats.  They just don't.  

So the cowboys that took our picture asked to be IN a picture.  Whatever.  The hats and bow ties are too much, haha!

We THOUGHT this was a well lit area on the street (not so much).  We had such a good time and it was nice to check out of my mommy/wife life for a few days.  I did miss my boys, though, and they had a blast on their camping trip (pictures to come in my next post).

I have a "yoga quote of the day" app on my phone, and I got this quote while I was away in Nashville.  We had declared our trip "no social media weekend" and had agreed to not post pictures on any social media so we wouldn't hurt any of our other friend's feelings about not being invited/able to come, etc.  We also talked about how we are so glad we went to college BEFORE social media posted pictures of our every move.  We also talked about how it makes us feel sometimes....less than others, bad mothers/wives, down about our lives and comparing ourselves to others.  This quote put life into perspective for me.  Accept what is.  Be present in your life right now and know that it is exactly what it should be.  I had so much fun on the trip BECAUSE I am almost 40lbs lighter.  I am healthier.  We walked 2-3 miles each day.  I couldn't have done that a year ago.  My clothes are smaller (and cuter).  I get compliments from strangers.  I have been on a journey with my weight and improving what is INSIDE me for over a year now.  The journey is exactly as it should be.  Embrace imperfection.  Have compassion.  My yoga practice teaches me these things, and I must work harder to accept it.  I need to remember "namaste" means there is divine in me, too.

"Happiness is an inside job." William Arthur Ward

I figure that no one really looks at this blog much, so I feel like I can use it like a scrapbook for our lives (since I have been TERRIBLE about actually keeping any sort of real scrapbooks for us).  I figure someday this blog will be floating around in cyper space and Kirk can read all the things that happened and see all the pictures of us through the years.  I am so thankful for pictures of me from the last year.  The picture above is one year ago.  I was about 40 pounds heavier, and although I thought I was happy, I wasn't.  I didn't know how happy I could be, how great life really is, and how much better everything would be from trying harder to live a healthy life.  

The picture below is from Mother's Day.  I have made SO MANY changes.  Healthy food and exercise have helped me to lose some weight and gain some strength.  I have held myself accountable.  If I gained weight, I knew exactly why.  If I lost weight, I knew exactly why.   I knew if I wanted to make the changes I needed to make to be a better mother, wife, and person, I had to hold myself accountable.  I joined Weight Watchers in May of last year to "maybe lose 10 pounds," and once it started coming off, I was hooked.  It feels SO GOOD to be 40 pounds lighter.  I have energy.  I am strong.  My skin is clear.  I don't get as hot and sweat like I used to.  My clothes are smaller. My FEET are even smaller (who knew you could have fat feet?).  Life is better, and happiness really is an "inside job."

I credit one of the biggest motivators for the last 6 months of my life to YOGA.  I seriously LOVE yoga.  I never thought in a million years that I would say I loved any type of exercise.  Really.  I have never been a person who even kind of enjoyed exercise.  Yoga has changed my body.  I thought after my pregnancy and c-section with Kirk I would never have a body that I wasn't disgusted by.  My body will hold me up in all those crazy poses, and I can lift myself up on one hand or even my toes....it is amazing.  I feel powerful, energized, and grounded...all at the same time.  Yoga has taught me so much about myself.  I can take time for myself.  I can "breathe into the pain" and I am amazed at what my body can do.  My knee and my hip don't hurt.  My back and shoulders don't either.  My mind feels clear when I leave a class.  I can't imagine my life without it now.  I know that it's just as important for me to take time for yoga as it is for me to do everything and be everything else. Tonight I went to a fund raiser hosted by Brown Dog Yoga (my yoga studio).  At the end of the event, we were reminded of the stone that we were given when we checked in, and a quote from Mother Teresa, "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across waters to create many ripples."  I held onto my stone and thought about that for a while tonight.  I have been casting stones for a while now, and I hope my ripples effect something greater than me.  If I can inspire others, that is amazing.  I know I need to use this life for good, and to make the most of what I have, including my body and mind.  

We end each class with the word "Namaste." 

The divine in me honors the divine in you.

I'm working on finding all the "divine" that I have, and the journey has been completely life changing.

I can't wait to see what the future holds....

let them be little.....

Sunday morning we had an opportunity to just do nothing.  Jeremy went to golf early, and we just hung out in our pajamas, made biscuits, and sat at the table.  Kirk was acting crazy, and I snapped a picture.  I decided I wanted to remember that moment, just like that.  Him in his pajamas, eating a biscuit and fruit, me with my coffee and a smile on my face.  He's growing up too fast.  I want him to always love spending time with his Mama.  I will always love spending time with him.

I am writing this post on the eve of Kirk's kindergarten registration day (tomorrow).  I have shed a few tears gathering up our paperwork for tomorrow.  How is it possible that this day is already here?  I don't feel any older, how did he get so OLD?  I feel like I was just holding a little baby in my arms....and now he barely fits in my lap.  I am not ready for him to grow up.  I'm just not.  He makes me laugh harder, smile bigger, and annoys me more than I ever thought anyone would.  He has my heart, every minute of every day.  I will try to hold back my tears tomorrow as I watch him walk down that hallway.  I will try to share his excitement.  I will TRY to look at those kindergarten teachers and begin to trust them with my most precious possession. I know I'm going to hold him a little tighter tomorrow and for the days to come.

warm hugs and warm cookies

 

 

 

 

 

I never imagined writing on anything anywhere that my Gramma Sullivan was gone.  She passed away yesterday, and it still seems like such a bad dream. This picture was taken the last time we saw her, in June before we left for our Disney cruise.  She was my favorite.  I felt special to her.  Every good childhood memory I have is with her.  I can't believe I'll never taste her food again or get a card from her in the mail.  I'll never hear her say, "hey sweetie!" when she answers the phone.  I'll never hear her tell me she loves me again.  I know she meant it.  So many of the things I do remind me of her.  I have no idea how to not miss her every minute of every day.  She lived so far away for most of my life, but she has always been such a big part of my heart.  I have so many good memories.  I know she knew I loved her so much. She was the holiest woman I knew and I know she is in heaven and free from pain or suffering.  Her rosary beads were smooth because she held them and rubbed them between her fingers so much.  She knew the saint to pray to for everything, and made sure to pray for everyone she loved every day.  She loved Kirk so much, and she enjoyed seeing him grow.  I sent her pictures of him every few months, and she always loved hearing about what he was doing and saying.  She always said he reminded her of me as a child, full of life and always entertaining.  In my family I was one of many, but with her I always knew I was number one.  This is the first real death I've dealt with that has affected me this way.  My heart physically hurts.  I dread going into her house in a few days without her there.  I dread seeing her in a casket.  I can't even think about leaving after it is all over and never feeling her or seeing her again.  Life is hard.  She taught me what it means to serve God.  She taught me what it looks and feels like to serve your family. She had the biggest heart and the sweetest smile.  She taught me how to be a Gramma, and I just hope I can have the warmest hugs and freshly made chocolate chip cookes someday......just like she did.  I will miss her love so much. 

 

 

Spring has sprung (hopefully!)

I haven't posted in forever!  One would think with 32 snow days the past 2 months I would have had plenty of time to post on my blog.....however, it seemed day after day life got in the way.  Kirk and I have made it through what has hopefully been the worst winter we will see for a while.  We played in the snow more times that I cared for, and we exhausted the tri state for day time entertainment (which is dismal, at best).  We also exhausted my bank account because all of the day time entertainment around here costs money!!  I tried each day to be grateful for this time with my big boy who will start kindergarten in less than 6 months.....too hard to believe!  We enjoyed some lazy days, too, and wore our pajamas way more than we should.  We're back to school/work tomorrow, and we're praying we can finish this school year out with no interruptions!

Kirk and I enjoyed some time outside yesterday and some ice cream afterwards.  It is amazing to me how much more I enjoy playing with Kirk and how much energy I have.  Eating healthy foods has changed so much for me, and my ability to run and play with my best boy is one of the biggest perks by far!

 

It's no secret that I love TOMS.  I have too many pairs to talk about, but I added 3 more this week.  The Zulily sale is something I look forward to and I was so excited to pick up these 3 pair for an amazing price!!  I especially love the green cordones pictured below, and I can't wait to wear them to Marshall games!

I'm looking forward to geting back to school this week and feeling "normal" again.  I have enjoyed my time off, though, and I have really gotten addicted to yoga classes and Club Cardio.  It feels great to be able to excercise without being out of breath or in pain!  I am so thankful that I can take time for myself and that Jeremy stays with Kirk when I go to classes.  He has been so supportive of all the changes I've made, and his biggest support is cooking almost all of our (healthy) meals.  I'm looking forward to our trip to Pigeon Forge in a few weeks and I am definitley welcoming warmer weather!